you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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