All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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