Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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