I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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