They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
