Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up under a house in Key West
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