Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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