Banned from zoo.
Again?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
