I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
