if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
