I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
