i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
