his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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