I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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