Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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