I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
