just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
