I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
