he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
