Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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