Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
