it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
