literally had 100 drinks last night.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
