I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
