Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
