Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize