Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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