i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
