New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
