3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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