Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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