does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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