The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
