You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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