I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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