I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i believe in u and ur pee
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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