I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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