I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
