I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
