Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
