I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
