i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
