Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
