Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When are your genitals available?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
