im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
