I wanna bring you to show and tell
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
