yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
These tits shall not be calmed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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