Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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