it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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