I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
