did you get engaged???
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
