walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
