you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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