Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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