I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.