i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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