Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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