It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology