there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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