my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.