yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
