There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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