her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
