Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize