I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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