Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
