i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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