Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
