We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
