remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
