just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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