She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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