I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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