I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
