i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
