You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
