There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
