I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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