you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
