Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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