see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I made him laugh his dick is mine
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
